Your Everyday Girl

I recently came across a quote online that said, ‘Everyone in your life will have a last day with you and you don’t even know when it will be’. This made me think about the people I have spoken to for the last time. I thought about those who distanced themselves from me, those who I distanced myself from, and those who I have lost along the way.

During the COVID pandemic, I spoke with my grandparents plenty via video calls. My sister and I had moved to a new place, and they would call us almost every day to make sure we were doing well (they live in Iran, so basically on the other side of the world). We had heartwarming conversations on various topics, like any other grandparents and their grandchildren. Unfortunately, It was during the summer of the following year when we lost our grandpa to a severe health problem and we didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. He always began his sentences with “Baba joon,” a Persian term of endearment. It’s bittersweet how those words still echo in my mind. I never expected him to leave us so soon.

I remember the last time I spoke with a friend and she chose to tell me that she expected too much of me. I went into some detail on this in another post which you can read up on here. Funny how expectations work, you can do everything right by a person and still be seen as not enough. I never pictured in a million years that I would be called out on my actions or inaction I suppose. I didn’t expect her to let go of our friendship so quickly.

I remember when I went on a few dates with a guy, but he suddenly stopped responding to me and disappeared out of the blue. I’m not sure why he did that, and I never got closure from the situation. Even when I asked him about it, he didn’t respond. He eventually reached out again, so I thought giving him a second chance wouldn’t hurt. However, it turned out that I was mistaken. I think I expected too much from someone who wasn’t willing to give much in return.

I remember having to let go of a friendship because distance and time had grown between us. Though we had been close as kids, I found it difficult to relate to my old friend when we reconnected later in life. I ended up having to let go of not just one, but a few of my high school friends with whom I no longer felt a connection. People change, it’s normal. My old friends expected me to remain a part of the group, but it was hard for me to hold myself to that level of expectation.

Expectations weigh differently on people. Some consider them light as a feather, while others find them heavy. I have become more cautious with my heart and personal space due to past experiences. It is difficult to not feel disappointed, confused, sad, or angry when what we hoped for or expected turns out to be the opposite. So, how do I cope with my battered and bruised expectations of others? Eventually, I come to terms with the reality of the situation because if I don’t, I will have to live with it.

Your everyday girl,

Sara