Your Everyday Girl

I tried to belong in Montreal, but I never could. It wasn’t the city’s fault; it was mine. It took me a year to realize this. Allow me to explain further.

When I moved back to B.C. from Quebec, I had forgotten how important it was to have regular conversations with my neighbors. The first neighbor I met when I moved back in July of 2023 was Frank and his dog, Rascal. I can’t tell you how ecstatic I was in that moment. Conversation that effortlessly flows is fulfilling; when there is no sweating over mispronounced words or worrying that you may not have expressed yourself properly. I’m not saying that conversing with others in Montreal was impossible, but it never felt the same as my conversations with those back home.

I remember back in August of 2023, I decided to pour a glass of wine and walk by the pier to enjoy the late summer night. The air was crisp with heat, and the sun was slowly setting along the water. I’m a sucker for a good sunset, but that evening was different. That one evening, I felt an undeniable amount of serenity. I sat on one of the benches along the pier and watched as the waves gently pressed themselves along the shore, music to my ears. I noticed a group of people walking by, and one of them called out to me to say, “You’ve got the right idea!” – they were referring to the wine in my hand. I was more than happy to soak in words I could relate to, words I could fully grasp.

But Montreal was never the problem. I know plenty of people who live there and don’t speak a single word in French, yet I always wonder, how do they take part in society? Do they ever feel like they belong? Culture, language, and tradition, are such important elements necessary to embrace a new home, so how do they do it? Why wasn’t I able to embrace it in the same manner that some anglophones do?

I remember the first time I had to keep my eyes and ears peeled when a young male cashier in Metro Plus had to explain a price difference for an item my sister and I were paying for. I had to nod my way out of the conversation because I felt too ashamed to say “Je ne parle pas Français”. My anxiety took over and made me believe that he would never have understood me if I tried speaking. And I tried learning during our time there, but it felt forced. To be honest, within the city you can get away with the day-to-day without speaking any French, but it just doesn’t feel good or right.

There were definitely many moments where kind strangers and one of my best friends made my sister and I feel so welcome and wanted, and for this reason I will always see Montreal in such a positive light. My experience there was not a reflection of the city or its people, but a reflection of my own attitude and actions which led me to believe that continuing life in Montreal was not ideal.

At the end of the day, we all want to feel like we belong and to be able to connect with others. Maybe I could have practised my French more, but would I have fit in? I think I was so deeply planted into home soil that only my branches were what I took with me to Montreal and just left the rest behind. But maybe this experience taught me that it’s not impossible. Maybe what I need to do next time is to cut the roots and replant myself in new soil.

But belonging takes more than tearing one’s existence from one land just to plant it in another. You need to take your heart with you too. And when you remember that you’ve also brought your heart along, you’ll need to keep it strong and dedicated to someplace new. Water yourself, nourish yourself, and let the sun in continuously; that way, you can immerse yourself in a new lifestyle.

In the meantime, I’m slowly learning French again. I use Duolingo and listen to basic French stories on YouTube, both have given me some hope in actually learning, understanding, and speaking the language. J’espere écrire des blogs en francais un jour. I wasn’t kidding, I really am trying to learn. I just hope it’s gramatically correct.

So how important is it for you to belong? I’d love to hear what belonging feels and/or looks like to you. Comment below. 👇

Your everyday girl,

Sara

P.S Here are some of my favourite photos (and moments) from Montreal below. Three of our friends visited us during our time in the city and it meant the world to us.