Your Everyday Girl

I wrote about my Cervical Dystonia a little while back: how my head can’t stay still because my brain is sending too many signals to one side of my neck more than the other. The incessant brain signals push my head to the right constantly (and drive me insane).

I don’t remember how it started and I don’t know why. All I know is that I was handed this and now…well, now I deal with it.

Cervical Dystonia isn’t talked about. At least not enough.

Nobody tells you how embarassing it can be. Nobody tells you how it can ruin your day. Nobody tells you how it can ruin your night. Nobody tells you how much it affects your mental health.

It’s annoying trying to keep my head still, and I’m never successful at doing so. Some sensory tricks may work, but then I just end up looking like an idiot holding my neck while speaking.

When I first noticed signs of it, I thought it was something that would eventually go away, perhaps disappear. I thought it would drift off with the wind and never to return. But no, it’s still here. Ten years later and I’m still dealing with it.

I felt a fragment of hope when someone told me to check with a doctor. “It doesn’t hurt.” And they were right. Checking didn’t hurt, but learning of the diagnosis did. Yet, I’m glad I did check because at least now I can stop pretending.

I can stop pretending that it will go away or that something as intangible as wind could take it off my hands. It’s something I will live with and struggle with. It doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy. But it may mean that some days, I won’t be at my best.

It also means that I can deal with it without being scared. It’s not this unknown thing looming over my head. It’s got a name, Cervical Dystonia, and I’m not afraid to say it out loud.

I won’t let it own me. Yes, it has this tendency to control me, but it won’t stop me. I won’t allow it to.

Your everyday girl,

Sara

P.S I am drinking a new coffee pod, Stormio, by Nespresso. I frothed some milk (which I may feel the effects of later) and poured it over my coffee. I’ve been drinking it for the last few days and I’m enjoying it. =)