Your Everyday Girl

I’m on a women’s soccer team. In all my years of shying away from team sports, I finally joined a team in my 30s. It’s safe to say that my inner child is very happy. It’s not a professional league, but we play by FIFA rules, have a referee, and the women are competitive.

I don’t think I’ve ever done anything as crazy as get on a team with ZERO experience. Well, maybe there’s that one time I got rejected…and maybe there’s that other time I stood up to a liar…and maybe that other time when I stood up for family… Okay, so maybe I’ve done some pretty brave things. But playing on a team sport requires a different level of bravery, and you can’t just “fake it ’til you make it”.

I don’t think I’ve ever had such a humbling experience. The moment I stepped out on to the field for my first game, I was in awe. I couldn’t believe how fast the game moved. But also, I was almost immediately annoyed with myself. Do you know how many times I watch soccer games and yell at the players on my T.V screen for failing to pass or shoot properly? I sure have some nerve thinking I know better than them.

Yes, I was thinking all this as the game was happening, timidly waiting on the field in my very new bright orange cleats, hoping the ball wouldn’t get passed to me.

The ball did get passed to me. I swear I was about to choke as the ball was making its way to me, but that was when our team captain yelled, “Kick it out, Sara!” and somehow my ears had grasped what was said and I did what I was told. I somehow survived that first half, but not without a few scars.

Once I got off at half-time (and my body finally had a chance to register the amount of cardio I had just clocked in), I could feel myself heating up instead of cooling down. My face was growing in size in a matter of minutes. My skin was stretching and tightening at the same time. It reminded me of plastic seran wrap that is pulled tightly over the edges of a bowl to contain food. My face was that seran wrap, but nothing was being contained in that moment. On the contrary, I felt fully exposed.

I told the players I couldn’t stay for the rest of the game and immediately drove home as fast as I could.

“By night one way, by day another,” I had turned into an entirely different person. I did not even recognize myself. And yes, I quoted Shrek. Actually, my sister immediately pulled that out of her sleeve when she saw me and in hindsight, it’s pretty funny. The quote is on point too since we started our game at 8pm.

What happened was this: I had too much clothing on and my body had an allergic reaction to all the heat I had stored underneath. I took a Claritin and a cold shower. I felt so ashamed with my stupid allergic reaction and my horrible play. I had the same reaction around a year ago when I wore a hoodie (and additional layers) while doing a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training).

After the curse had worn off the next morning, I did have this moment where I thought I’d be better off not playing anymore. I wasn’t as good as I thought I would be. I never want anyone to feel like they need to pull my weight. It’s just not who I am. So, there were two options: give up because I had an unsuccessful experience, or practice so that I can have better future experiences.

I was scared I would suck at playing again and I don’t like to look weak, I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to fall down…again. My knees can only take so much.

That was when I stopped myself from continuing on this self sabotaging path. I told myself I want this, I’ve always wanted this, and I need to give it a proper chance. I need to prove myself wrong.

So I chose to practice. I am taking the time to familiarize myself and my footing with the ball. Growth is a practice that continues through strength and begins from a place of weakness. That’s how it’s always been from many of my experiences.

I had my second game last week and I felt confident this time. I think the level of confidence I brought to the field the second time was 10x better than the first game. At one point, I headed the ball OUT of the area in front of the goal post. I surprised myself. The last line of defense is quite difficult to play, but there is also this thrill in protecting the goal post and testing the opponent in front of you.

So, for a girl with no soccer experience and a lot of heart, practice can only make things better. All you need to bring is the right attitude, good cleats (I love mine!), and some self-affirming pep talk. And you don’t need to wear thick clothes under your gear, trust me, that’s just one too many layers.

Update: I had another game recently and assisted with a couple goals!! I’m doing better than I thought, and even so there’s ALWAYS room for improvement. 🙂

Your everyday girl,

-Sara

P.S I have no photos because i’m truly living in the moment when on the field, but maybe I’ll find some time to take some photos next time.

P.P.S I hope to have another positive soccer update again soon!