Your Everyday Girl

I saw a good friend of mine walking to work the other day, and I couldn’t help but hug her twice. I work a remote job so the most connection or socializing I have during the week is with coworkers over Teams. Feel-good and in-person human connection is sometimes what you need. In a world full of imbalance, I believe we find balance in our days through kindness and connection. It turned my day around, seeing her, and I couldn’t help but depart from our quick encounter will a full heart.

Kindness is underrated. I’m sorry if you think I talk about it a lot, but I don’t think it’s shared enough. I don’t think we understand how much of a heart-warming effect shared smiles and words can bring. But just because I preach kindness, doesn’t mean I don’t have my bad days too.

I lost my cool several days ago in an incident involving another driver on the road. I turned into the Hulk. I’m not even kidding, guys. The driver behind me was honking at me for NO reason. She wanted me to move forward so that she could pass me on the left, but I had NO space in front of me. We were stopped at a red light and there was a lane full of cars in front. I generally keep my cool and I don’t lose it in front of anyone, unless if the person is just terribly wrong.

She was wrong. I couldn’t inch forward and she kept honking because she wanted to pass me. She was giving a very entitled energy that I just didn’t have the patience for, so I lost it.

I looked crazy. Sometimes standing your ground can look a bit insane, but I wasn’t going to just let her get away with it. And because I was so angry at this illogical driver, I decided to block her path (even when the cars in front of me drove away).

It wasn’t my greatest moment. But I hope you won’t define me by my worst and know that 99% of the time, I am at my best. I had shocked my mom with my behaviour because when we got back home she had a bit to say. She had to remind me of something important:

Here’s what she said, “When you acted out the way that you did, you only hurt yourself. You hurt yourself because you lowered your own standards to merely match hers.”

She was right. I looked like a shark that had smelt blood for the first time, out to get this woman who was egging me on to fight. The road is not mine, yet my actions are. I think on that day we both felt like our names were printed on the concrete beneath us.

So my mom continued to say, “I think you would have made an even greater impression by ignoring her in that moment. That way you can keep your peace.”

In this specific scenario, and maybe in most, that is true. I have Cervical Dystonia and stressful scenarios can worsen the symptoms. My heart rate (and anger) was so high that my head was completely turned to the right and for a while I was having trouble turning it back to the center (well, not fully to the center, but what I define as my “new center”). So, experiencing CD symptoms while driving is not the greatest timing.

Anger, rage, an argumentative attitude towards others is quite easy to whip up. I felt upset at the situation afterwards because I felt defeated. I had made my point on the road with very strong language, but I didn’t feel great about it. In that moment, I had become the person I never aspire to be.

I’m turning 34 next week and at this point I have become the queen of reflections. My crown is currently being reshined as I type this. (I’m hoping my sarcasm gets through to readers here). Muddling through regret, mistakes, and failures has become my part-time job. But you know what makes reflecting worthwhile?

…I have a feeling you know the answer. And if you don’t then don’t worry, you’ll know after sitting through your reflections long enough.

So, remember kindness. Remember your friend might be going through something difficult, remember your neighbour might be having a bad day, remember your coworker may not be well, remember your family might be facing hardship.

Remember that however bad it may be, kindness can make it feel a little bit better. And when you practice kindness every day, then that content feeling will just keep growing. And of course, remember to be kind to yourself.

As much as that woman was in the wrong for her actions, I was not in the right for retaliating the way that I did.

Your everyday girl,

Sara