Your Everyday Girl

It may not be obvious, but I’m being sarcastic.

“Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?” This is the article Vogue recently released, and it has gone viral for its very triggering and bold statement. Apparently, it’s now cool for women to be single and live their lives for themselves. Funny, I’ve been doing this for a very long time, and I’ve only recently become cool. I think this is why I’ve always hated trends – you’re a nobody until some well-renowned person or group deems you’re a somebody to society.

I understand the article’s stance and I would love to share my thoughts on this topic since I’m so well versed in dating.

I’m not well versed in dating. I was being sarcastic, again. My ideal night is staying in on a Saturday night eating a pint of ice cream or drinking a glass of wine (maybe both sometimes) and re-watching my favourite feel-good shows or films. I think I might be in love with The Creature from Guillermo Del Toro’s Frankenstein. Watch the film and maybe you’ll understand.

Here are some points I would like to share with you from my lens:

1. You can have a boyfriend and still be your own person.

“…it is now fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend-girl.” Wow, it only took us centuries to come to this conclusion. The standards I’ve upheld for myself since the womb were never desired or considered cool until this article. That’s what this article feels like to me – pushing a trend. It’s okay to follow trends, but what happens when boyfriends are cool again? Trends create a greater divide. Those who are a part of the trend or have access to it feel superior, and those who aren’t feel shittier.

Having a boyfriend isn’t the issue, but centering your life around one is. It’s not cool to forget yourself, your standards, and your identity because of a guy. You are your own person. Most times, relationships are not easy and just don’t work out. But you know what stays? The heartbreak, the damage, the second-guessing, the overthinking, the stressing, and the anger. Yes, there is healing, but it all still takes a toll on you.

If you are in a healthy and happy relationship, then let’s be honest, that motivates us single ladies to want something just like that. It only requires patience, dedication, and effort to get there. Super easy, right? I think you might be on to my sarcasm now. 😉

But I swear if another happy couple takes up the whole sidewalk hand-in-hand while I’m passing then we’re going to have a problem. It’s single file and couples don’t get a free pass.

2. Girls, I know the dating landscape is dire. Dating isn’t easy, you can ask me, I’ve tried. This is why I’m certified single and apparently I’m in my coaching era. I’ve shared my point of view on boyfriends and dating with friends in the past. I’ve had friends who cut me off for it and friends who actually care what I have to say because they know I speak from a place of love.

The dating experiences shared by women just doesn’t excite other single ladies, it actually discourages us from even trying. In my own city, Vancouver, I have heard of so many dating horror stories, so why would I want to pressure myself into something that disrupts the peace that I currently hold?

There was this viral trend circling throughout TikTok called, “Boyfriend Air”, when girls would film themselves before and after meeting up with their boyfriends and the difference was scary. Why did they look so drained and stressed out after meeting their boyfriends? And why would anyone want to put themselves through that time and time again?

Thank goodness for social media (in this instance at least), as it allows many women to share their dating experiences and build a community that helps us understand that being single is completely okay.

Yes, you read that right – it’s okay to be single. If you are single and wish you were dating then that is okay too. If you are single and dating, but not much comes of it then that is also okay.

The Vogue article also mentions how some women don’t want to see your boyfriend-absorbed instagram pages and that’s most likely because that’s not all you have to offer. The truth is that women can thrive without men and that’s why dating and relationships have changed. Staying single is a choice that is preferred when you value your time, lifestyle, and self.

3. “All the women, who independent.”

While growing up I loved listening to this song by Destiny’s Child. I remember dancing to this song as a little girl full of pride knowing that I will and can grow independent. Not once did I think that I would need a man to lead a successful life. All the hunnies are making money and dependence on a man isn’t needed like it once was. Women weren’t allowed to have credit cards without a male co-signer until the 1970s. That was merely 55 years ago.

Please remember that independence in Western society is on a different scale compared to independence in certain countries/regions that still see women as second-class citizens (in some cases, third-class). Here are a few countries where independence is difficult to exercise due to socio-economic and political reasons:

In Afghanistan, women’s rights don’t exist. A woman may want to be independent, but she is not allowed the chance because of the theocratic dictatorship that rules the country. Not a single step or decision can be made without a man. In Sudan, there has been conflict and genocide occurring over the last two years at least, and gender-based violence is at an extremely high rate. Women outnumber men in the country, with 5.8 million women and girls displaced within the borders of Sudan. What about their safety, comfort, and independence? It’s not that these women do not want to be independent; it is because their political landscape doesn’t allow for it to happen.

There are patriarchal cultural norms and gender discrimination still in effect throughout the world today. How does a woman express herself freely to the fullest extent if she only has some rights handed to her by a corrupt system in place? It’s not real, it’s not fair, and it is a facade presented as “freedom.”

Let’s talk a quick rundown history lane. Women received the right to vote in the US in 1920, and it wasn’t until 1949 that ALL women were allowed to vote in Canada. In France, women were granted the right to vote in 1944. You get the idea. There were protests, movements, bills, laws, and years that had to pass in order to reach a level of independence similar to our counterparts.

The independence we so freely exercise shouldn’t be taken for granted regardless of our relationship status. We are able to break free of our traditional gender roles because of the brave women who fought for it to happen.

So being single is definitely cool, but I’m grateful I’m able to do so freely. I live in a country where I can express my independence, and chances are that you do too. So, if you are in a relationship, then that’s wonderful, but don’t forget that you have the free will to express your individuality and use your independence.

It’s not embarassing to have a boyfriend, but it’s no longer taboo to be single in Western society. I mean, my aunt might disagree, but I guess she can take it up with Vogue ’cause I’m done trying to explain myself to her.

Your everyday girl,

Sara

P.S Here is a link to the Vogue article if you are interested: https://www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now