Your Everyday Girl

Clarity opens doors, closure shuts them. Would you agree?

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I started reading A Court of Thorns and Roses after my sister urged me to read it several times. She said that I won’t be able to put it down. But now I’m annoyed with myself for reading it and you want to know why? There is no escape, I’m trapped, and the only way out of this series is to read the whole dang thing. The only way to reach the end is to go through it. Spoiler alert below!

There’s a point in the book where Feyre must answer a riddle, a riddle that Amarantha weaved and gave to Feyre to solve. Solving the riddle allows Feyre and all her loved ones to live freely and no longer be stuck under Amarantha’s command, under her reign of fear. The answer to the riddle materialized in Feyre’s mind near the end of the book – at the brink of her death – but it was at that moment that all had become clear as day. 

Feyre’s closure would arrive at Amarantha’s end or her own, knowing that she must do everything she can to save her loved ones and Prythian from the blight, no matter the outcome. 

The first time I read the riddle, I knew what the answer was and I would have saved everyone’s lives sooner (I’m just putting that out there), but Feyre is young and I understand that sometimes we need to go through the journey to find the answers we’re looking for, even answers to riddles we may already be aware of. We need clarity for closure, especially if we are to move on and move forward.

Unlike the fantasy worlds we love to dive into, humans don’t have the luck of immortality but through our mortality, we gain lessons learned that allow us to grow into the person we are meant to be. It’s so interesting how something so simple and quiet as clarity can introduce you to a new path, onwards to another road that brings out a better version of you. Once closure sinks in, the body begins to feel light again and the mind is finally free of something or someone that no longer serves you.

Aren’t clarity and closure similar?

Closure and clarity are intertwined, at least in my experience. 

I believe closure is only achievable if… 

A) you fully accept the outcome without the answers you were hoping for. 

B) you receive your answers first so that you may follow with closure. There are many scenarios when the act of closure, of ending something, can also bring you clarity. It all depends on how and when the situation unfolds.

Closure is somewhat difficult to accept when… 

A) clarity is not received and sometimes the closure you need takes much longer than usual to grasp.

B) we seek clarity externally. If you are looking for answers from another person, this is when your self-validation will be dependent on another and you will begin to doubt your self-worth. We forget that clarity can only come from within.

C) we tie our “moving on” phase to an external person, place, or thing. Sometimes, when we want closure, we think that means we must date a new person or live in a new city to move forward. Closure is mostly an external battle, but moving from one battle to the next very quickly may disrupt and lengthen the healing process inbetween. It also won’t allow much time for clarity to step in and support your healing. 

Clarity gives you the chance to foster a clear and steady mindset. You will become more self-aware with a growing need to be true to your values and standards which better prepares you for future decisions. Like I said earlier, clarity comes from within.

Closure is more of an external matter, a final goodbye to something or someone that no longer has a positive impact (or perhaps any impact) on you. It could be a person you need to cut ties with or an experience or place that is no longer meant for you. 

Not every outcome or situation is in your control, so it is important to keep this in the back of your mind when handling both clarity and closure.

Here are a few scenarios of when clarity and closure both pranced into my life:

My move back home from Montreal…

I was reading a book one day, Cleopatra and Frankenstein, and I remember at the end of the novel I just broke down crying. I was crying so hard that my eyesight had become blurred with bittersweet tears. Cleo and Frank went through the trials and tribulations of love. By the end of the book, they realized they weren’t meant to be together, but they will always have each other. It was as if I related that experience to my life in Montreal. I knew that I couldn’t stay in the city anymore. Something that I was having trouble bringing to the surface suddenly felt so clear to me. Heartbreak from a fictional book gave me clarity which I had locked up inside me for some time. I felt at peace knowing that I didn’t have to stay. After a transparent conversation with my family, I felt confident in my decision. My closure arrived the day I stepped back into my home city, two feet on the ground and ready for whatever was to come next.

My poetry book haunted me for some time…

I wrote and self-published a poetry book in 2019. I poured my heart and soul into this book. I first started writing for myself and thought others may resonate with my words, so I decided to publish it. 

It was a project I lived and breathed for two years. I had each poem scattered around me on the ground so that I could visually plan the order of the book, I revised the master document until my eyes were dry, and I shared the PDF document with friends for their feedback. Once it was published I didn’t write a poem for years after that – poetry did not want to return to me and I believed that it never would. On most days, I would sit and stare at empty pages hoping the words would start flowing again. I despised my poetry book and I couldn’t imagine writing another. Ever. So I left my blank pages on their own hoping that their loneliness would call me back someday. 

I tried writing again late last year. It was clear that I was scared to write again, scared that I wouldn’t have anything more to share, and it was hard to confront that thought and bring it to light. But once I was honest with myself, I was able to let go of that fear and write. The years of space and distance from writing allowed me to come back to it again. Closure means leaving my poetry book behind simply because it belongs to a past version of me from another time.

The guy who ghosted me…twice… 

I don’t think I’ve ever had an experience so confusing as this: two people go on a few dates, the guy ghosts her, the guy comes back and apologizes, the girl gives him a second chance, and the guy ghosts again. 

How does one person go from getting ghosted once to getting ghosted twice? I believe in second chances and maybe I was delusional to think that a positive relationship could grow from such tempermental differences. When I was ghosted a second time, I definitely got the answer I needed. If a person texts you when they feel like it, but doesn’t answer when you text them, please know that they aren’t meant for you. 

I got a bit frustrated with his communication style so I flat out asked him if he sees this going anywhere? I didn’t want to waste my time anymore, so I took some action. He didn’t respond to that and that’s how I knew that this, whatever this way, wasn’t going anywhere. I’m sure I scared him off with that question, but the closure I needed was answered when my phone didn’t light up with a response from him again. 

Clarity grabbed a hold of me and said, “Practice patience and try not to rush things next time, but remember to respect your boundaries.” So, I’ll have to remember to remain as balanced as possible on the dating tightrope. 

Sometimes the answers you’re searching for already lie dormant in the pit of your belly. It only takes some action on our part to pull it up and out of ourselves and give clarity the chance to breathe. We drive through these life experiences to gain clarity in some scenarios, closure in others, and hopefully receive clarity with the closure if we allow ourselves to, as long as we aren’t afraid to do some self-reflecting. This path full of twists and turns shapes us into who we are today and you are you because of it.

If you have any experiences with closure and clarity which you would like to share, please share them below with a comment. I would love to hear.

Your everyday girl,

Sara